Correction: my mom did not write this, but she thought it was good advice from whoever wrote it.:
Many women are afraid of their first mammogram, but there is no need to worry. By taking a few minutes each day for a week preceding the exam and doing the following practice exercises, you will be totally prepared for the test. Best of all, you can do these simple practice exercises right in your home.
Exercise 1: Open your refrigerator door and insert one breast between the door and the main box. Have one of your strongest friends slam the door shut as hard as possible and lean on the door for good measure. Hold that position for five seconds. Repeat again in case the first time wasn't effective enough.
Exercise 2: Visit your garage at 3 a.m. when the temperature of the cement floor is just perfect. Take off all your clothes and lie comfortably on the floor with one breast wedged under the rear tire of the car. Ask a friend to slowly back the car up until your breast is sufficiently flattened and chilled. Turn over and repeat for the other breast.
Exercise 3: Freeze two metal bookends overnight. Strip to the waist. Invite a stranger into the room. Have the stranger press the bookends against either side of one of your breasts and smash the bookends together as hard as she can. Repeat for the other breast. Set an appointment with the stranger to meet next year to do it again.
Jenn, I just wanted to tell you and your mom that this blog is great and you both have put so much happiness and goodness into this blog. I started reading it with a sense of not really wanting to, sort of afraid it would be really hard to read (because I only get information from Ainsley and we all know that Ainsley isnt the best at communicating:)!! So I was apprehensive when I started reading, but you and your mom are so real and I have felt uplifted by reading what you both have written. I mean this advice for your first mammogram, made me just laugh until my stomach hurt!! Then I read the part of the letter your mom wrote to your brother on his mission and what she wrote about her surgery and her upcoming surgery tomorrow and I just have to say you two are amazing!!! Your whole family is amazing and I am so touched by the way you all are dealing with this very hard time in your family’s life. I am not very good at cooking anymore but I would love to come and entertain Lucy, or she can come here and we still have our Barbie house full of Barbies and we have lots of Polly Pockets and well we just love all that girl stuff so we have just kept it right ready to play with! And occasionally we have cute visitors who come over and Caroline is still really good at playing. Caroline is home during the day most of the time so if you need help let me know. Marty does make what he calls “Great Spaghetti Sauce”………..so we could bring over one of his “famous (only to him)” Spaghetti Dinners!! So we will keep you all in our prayers and I just know that your mom will get through all this and be healthy once again!! Jenn, I think you are so amazing and wonderful and just remember I am here if you need anything……….just let me know!!
ReplyDeleteLove, Carrie