Progress Report

Hey!  Its time for a progress report!  I think my sense of humor is coming back, but I’m trying to keep it at bay for a bit because it hurts to laugh.  I’m perfecting the internal laugh where you just hold your abdomen still and let your throat laugh.  It is so good to be on this side of it!  I always tell my kids before they have to have an immunization or a throat culture that the anxiety and fear are often the worst part and it was no different here. (gulp) There is such an incredible support network in the community for Breast cancer and so many incredible strong survivors out there that you just feel lifted up through each step. 

I’m amazed at what the human body can go through and how it heals itself.  I feel like I went through something truly barbaric and yet I moved from being so exhausted that I could barely talk to getting out to do a round on the hospital floor with my walker, to showering by myself, to conquering the stairs at home to putting on real clothes and full hair and makeup yesterday… only to find myself getting it all wiped off with a cold rag while laying on the floor of the doctors office after passing out at yesterday’s post op visit.  I think it was the culmination of all of the weeks of what I call “the creeps”.  I get light headed just entering the hospital to visit someone else.  I’ve kept a stiff upper lift through all the needles, MRIs and other unmentionables and I think this was just the straw that broke the camel’s back.  Well, it was probably 2 parts pain (surgical drains removed) uh 3 or 4 parts pain, and 6 parts “the creeps” won’t elaborate. (surgical drains, good look at Frankenstein). 

I’m not going to lie; there have been some incredibly difficult moments.  I have learned a lot of things.  I wish there were an instruction manual for what I’m supposed to learn from all of this so that I could master it now and skip to end of it and avoid any future creeps.

I think things will continue to improve daily and can only go up from here.  I’m continuing to meet with more doctors before proceeding on to any of the brain issues. (more creeps – don’t think about having your head drilled open).  Will give myself several months to fully recuperate before jumping into any more potential fainting experiences. 

Thank you to everyone for all of the exceptional food, treats, notes, flowers, prayers, etc. etc. I wish you could see the looks on my kids faces each time the doorbell rings or each time they taste yet another gourmet meal or sweet treat.  I hope when I’m able to play mom again that I can match this level of excellence, but if not I know I have a few months yet to just blame it on that brain tumor.  But I can’t wait until after that as I have certainly learned a lot about what it means to be thoughtful caring and truly of service.